Saturday, September 15, 2007

Carry an Unlit Cigar

I urge you, beg, and plead with you to carry an unlit cigar with you everywhere you go, as often as possible!!! This silent act can snowball and have a positive, lasting effect... I'm just not sure how, just yet.

Why beg and plead with my fellow cigar smokers and Tobacconists to carry an unlit cigar with them? Well perhaps I am selfish. But maybe we are onto something. We have to promote a good, positive and healthy image, and that is impossible to do since we have been banned from the rest of civil society. And most cigar smokers are good, positive, and healthy people. I rarely see people on the streets, malls, or in public places with cigars anymore. That is because we have been ostracized. I get coughed at and mocked by children as well as adults. THEY ARE WINNING. And we are retreating to our backyards.

I often have a partially smoked cigar in my hand. I walk into stores, restaurants, hotels, anywhere and everywhere. It is part of the condition of modern man, there is rarely enough time to finish a great cigar without getting interrupted or having to do something. So, I let my cigars extinguish and then I tote them along whenever possible. My hands like the feel of it and I often put it in my mouth to remind me of the joy I will soon be rewarded with. Ironically, partially smoked cigars smell bad. But that doesn't bother me. And if it bothers other people, then maybe they will prefer us to light them up.

But I am inspired to compel my luxury tobacco loving brothers to carry unlit cigars because I have been harassed far too many times this year. Simply put, Smokerism (the hatred and discrimination of smokers) has gotten out of hand. I was at the county fair, walking into a barn and a handful of children ran up to me and verbally attacked me: "put it out", "you can't smoke", "you're going to die", "the hay will catch fire", "save the animals",... etc. As if I was going to set all of the cows on fire. The cigar was not lit. A couple of months ago at the balloon festival I thought festival goers might just lynch me. Someone told me my cigar "is going to blow us all up". As if I was the guy piloting the balloon; I was just spectating... but the list goes on. Just last week I was leaving a casino, getting my car and two minutes into the process the attendant looks up and asks me "Is that lit?". And I said "If you need to ask....". And she said, "well it smells". And I said, "Oh well, where there is smoke there is fire and you have no right to avoid odor-annoyance". And then I wish I said your perfume smells like (insert expletive here)... but I didn't. These tall tales, and many more similar ones, are completely true. I can't take more than a few steps some days without being chastised. Well, (insert expletive here) you!

Please carry your cigars on you. Show the world we are not pariahs, social deviants, or demons. People must become desensitized to our passions because the current level of hysteria is driving them mad. We have rights. You have rights. Let's respect each other.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Well spoken! I miss the 90's when cigars were in fashion!